dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
