Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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