I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
