I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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