i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
