So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
