Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
