Im at strip club and am horny
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
