Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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