A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
