Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
