I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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