I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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