Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
