Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
