my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
