I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I supernannyed him into submission
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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