I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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