God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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