okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
