I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
