The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
