I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
