Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize