you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
