It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
