toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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