yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
