you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
