the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
