just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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