jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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