is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
