That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
