My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
