i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
