i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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