marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
where am i from again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
