I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
