Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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