Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
