Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
