Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
