I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
