Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
