she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
