we have officially lost it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
