You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
