dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
