im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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