I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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