have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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