I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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