How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We smell like vodka and hangover
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