you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
