I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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