I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
