Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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