i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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