Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
