You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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