Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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