Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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