Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
