If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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