He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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