even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
